Where am I going?

Recently I was faced with some challenges at work, organizational challenges. My company acquired a smaller ISV company and their employees were very quickly integrated into our folds. In my opinion, when there is an acquisition the faster you mesh the two people structures the better....it's like ripping off a band-aid versus slowly tearing it off. As part of this I received a new manager and a re-org. I am in full support of the organizational model they are trying to migrate to because it works and it has worked at many large companies. The goal is to scale quickly and easily.

Unfortunately this new manager and I had a negative encounter pre-acquisition and I think it tainted the waters post acquisition and going to work was equivalent to banging my head against the wall repeatedly every day. After months of this shit and my fighting and politicking I think it has been resolved -

But I during this process I learned a few things about myself

1. I am very career goal oriented..I have super clear ideas of what I want to be doing now, 6 months from now to years out from now...kind of scary
2. I can be a demanding bitch at work
   
3. I am decimating my personal life with work
4. I am completely directionless outside of work
5. I am a more than slightly bitter person

So #1 and #2 are not too bad as I believe I am only as demanding as I can also deliver. I don't expect more from people than I am willing to do...I just expect the same level of dedication and quality.

#3 - I just spend WAY too much time in the office. Partially that's because I want to spend the least amount of time at home (parent's home) as possible. Nonethelss = LAME

#4 - Whereas I have clear goals and detailed roadmaps for the office, the life I lead the minute I leave is pretty fluid. Se fluid in fact I can barely plan activities for that day without borderline retardation. Really I haven't spent any time nurturing personal hobbies or ambitions. I used to have hobbies...they're all sitting in flippin boxes in my parents' garage. I'm too scared to make any claims on other life goals, as they rely on the participation of other people...and that's too much of a variable.

#5 Bitter Betty. August marked the 2 year anniversary of my return to casa de Kang. It has been a most painful transition and something I am still not comfortable with. It's like an organ transplant that I am trying desperately to reject...haha. I am tired of the word "soon" in relation to moving out, to making plans, to getting paid back, to flippin everything. "Soon" in my mind is too vague - so much so that it makes it virtually impossible to have life goals.

It grates on me that my personal life is literally 180 degrees from my professional life. The huge gap makes life difficult and me angy... ha!

So after all that I have decided to put a stake in the ground and start making some life goals... Goals to work toward for this year - and others to help guide my actions in the following years. Let's see how this works.