There are just some things you cannot teach

Recently Donut has been asking a lot of questions as she starts to make sense of the world around her.  I don't remember being 4...but I also don't remember being as inquisitive as she is, in general.  She hasn't started with the blanket "why" to every word out of my mouth but is asking very specific questions about some seemingly complex topics that I am struggling to answer in a way that is age appropriate.

Mostly she asks about race.  Which I had thought wouldn't be an issue since we are a mixed race family..where mom and dad look very different and our extended families speak different languages...she seems to have appropriately categorized Korean, English and Spanish speakers.  But alas, if it is what you have only known, I guess that is your normal and instead you try to make sense of what is different.

A recent string of questions include:

- Where are the black people?

- What color is (insert name)'s body?

- Are there any black people in this world?

I like to think my world is diverse...but it isn't in the grand scheme of things but it is representative of San Francisco which is largely Caucasian or Asian.  As I was facing these questions, I checked the census stats and sure enough we have a 6% African American population in SF county.  I tried my best to answer her questions and to remind her of the black people we know and then also talk about the different hair, eye and skin colors of the rest of our friends and family..to discuss diversity in appearance but we are all just people.  

It has been months...of the same conversation.  Sometimes she points and yells in public to declare she sees a black person.  It has caused many awkward moments that have tested me as a parent in providing agile response.  

People have suggested books, visiting different cities, tv shows and other strategies but I realized...

You just can't teach diversity.  It has to be learned through experience.

It is becoming so much more clear to me as we embark on the process of applying for kindergartens in San Francisco.  The lack of diversity in one way or the other is rather jarring when you visit certain schools.  The hubbs and I are evaluating each based on the merits of their program, available extracurriculars, and if they focus on what is important to us aka  foreign language, math and science... but  we do find ourselves counting the number of different color faces in those classrooms.  The homogeneous nature of some places did make me uncomfortable...even at the school that was 90% Asian.  

I have a strong desire to have my children be exposed to cultural, racial, lifesytle and socioeconomic diversity because I can't teach her that reality through books or stories in a way that will be real to them...in a way that it will help shape them as people...

I realize that it is me projecting some random insecurity or deep seated issue but I'm ok with it.  I grew up being made fun of for being different, eating different foods and embarrassed to speak Korean with my parents.  I also grew up in a lesser financial state than my children get to experience.  I am sensitive to having our children be empathetic to different circumstances and struggles that people may face in their lives and why that variety makes the world the beautiful and interesting place it is - it is the richness of ones experience not the riches that makes you..you.  And that is absent of color, money, gender, whatever.  

I know it is a different world today and it was even a much different world when my brother started school 6 years after me.  I don't want to hover and shield the kids from everything...I just want something that is representative of the world around them - so they can build their own relationships across a diverse plane and understand that we are all people just trying to live life to the best that we can..our lives are as different as we are and that's perfect.