Mangosteens...holy shiz

In bags no less...I wonder what they taste like. These were the one thing that I didn't try while I was out in Singapore but I have heard people RAVE about them. Sadly it is probably irradiated to the point of being toxic to kill off any strange tropical bugs that it is possibly not that tasty...oh well...I'll still try it for science!

OK I give...the iPhone is pretty rad

So I just downloaded a new app for my iPhone called RunKeeper... and yes I got the paid version which was $9.99! Expensivo compared to all the $1 apps out there but I just tried it today and must admit it was pretty bad ass. It's like the Garmin thingy but without the heart rate monitor..and really, I'm not trying to win any Olympic medals here so who really cares about what my heart rate is. I'm really just concerned about total time, pace and distance.....

So this app is F-ing rad. It uses the GPS in the phone to calculate the distance and elevation...so it can easily calculate pace based on the amount of time that has passed. And the view is pretty cool too because of the integration to Google maps...you can see where you were running and it has some mile markers so you know what's happening.

YES YES YES! Eureka I have found the dragonfruit!

So on Friday I stopped over on Clement St in the inner richmond and found these....dragonfruit! I almost shit my pants!!! The only time I have ever had the opportunity to eat these was in Singapore and I have been craving them ever since. It's a shame that so many of those wonderful tropical fruits don't make it over to the states for mass sale at grocery stores (guavas, passionfruit, mangosteen, dragonfruit). But this market in the richmond did have dragonfruit and mangosteen.

I was so flippin excited that I only bought one and hand carried it (no bag) as I perused the Clement St. shops....hahahaha. They also had mangosteens so I'm gonng have to head back over there maybe today to pick up a couple.

These are the prettiest things when you cut them open! I learned that dragonfruit is part of the cactus family so this is a distant, asian cousin of the prickly pear. Makes sense to me - but I am sure glad these fruit don't have the exterior cactus prickles and interior seeds like the prickly pear. In flavor, these were like a mild kiwi...it makes me think they were not quite ripe because in Singapore, they had an almost mild watermelon flavor.

As for serving...no need to cut into pieces, the flesh is easily scoopable with a spoon and the skin is tough/thick enough that the spoon does not pierce through it.

At long last (updated from previous solitary confinement post)

So awhile back I posted about being super duper lonely and feeling isolated as a new mommy. Well, finally after all these months I think I am making some new friends that are mommies! I have even met some Korean mamas - this is very exciting as it increases the circle of people that I can go eat super pungent Korean food with mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And I joined a babysitting co-op and have met some really cool mamas that we've hung out with outside of just the meet ups...I just wish we had met sooner :) It's nice to have that support system when you're in the first few months and confused on what's going on to have those people to compare notes with and realize that you're not doing anything wrong, everything strange is actually totally normal and yes...it will get a little easier tomorrow.

update...
It is not easy though...oy vay - I spent months reaching out to every mom I met...went to a bunch of new parent groups and really just tried to approach anyone... and you know, you chat for a bit then spend a few days wondering if these people like you or if they think you're lame. It was worse than high school could ever be. Imagine the terror of junior high or high school...the judgement of your peers and just the need to feel included. This experience brought up every horrifying insecurity that I haven't felt in decades to the forefront and even caused nightmares. And it was so disorienting because it had been so long that it was almost more terrifying.

As an adult, I can personally deal with rejection and really for the most part I don't care what people think of me (I am shamelessly and unapologetically opinionated) but I didn't want Donut to be alone...it is important for me to cultivate new relationships so she can meet kids that may become her first friends.

Goodness gracious, more of my friends in the city need to birth some babies! Ladies...can we work together on this please? heehee

The "new" end is near...

And by new end...I mean the end of my maternity leave.

Last week our nanny started part time for "transition" and I am going to be completely honest, it sucked. Our nanny is fabulous...and the kiddos love hanging with her - they are happy, full and rested at the end of the day but the separation is horrible... I never realized it would be so hard. It took me an hour just to leave the house and even when I finally did I was dripping in sweat on the verge of tears, just staring at the front door from my car.

What the hell is happening to me?!?!?!

The entire day I spent running errands, pumping in parking lots practically crying and staring at my watch wondering when it was almost 5pm so I could race home and squeeze my baby. Thankfully our nanny is wonderful and totally understands this phase so she doesn't mind so much if I lurk in the house. I have heard it gets easier and it was a little easier on Thursday but still, I cannot believe how much I miss my baby! I have the same crazy feeling when I have a girls night out or a girls trip for anything...I miss Forrest like crazy and all I can think about is going home to hang out with him. Now I can add Donut to that and I'll be lucky if I EVER leave the house again.

It's so bad that I start to miss Donut around 9pm...roughly 2 hours after I put her down for the night. Forrest just looks and me and smiles "she's only upstairs, you can go look at her if you want." to which I reply "I can't...because I'll pick her up and wake her up to hang out and no good will come of that right now..."

Maybe this will subside once I get my first paycheck (since I haven't been paid in awhile).... or maybe it will continue to suck every day until I decide one day to stay at home.... or maybe it will be different every day - ack - I almost can't believe how neurotic all of this sounds.

Happy Birthday Mom!

A picture of the birthday girl with her cake..Forrest was smart to snap this pic of my mom laughing at her silly summer themed birthday cake while I was tending to a baby meltdown. Thy's BBQ for Aria's first birthday proved to be too much excitement for Donut and she missed her afternoon nap and promptly proceeded to scream bloody murder at halmoni and halabujee's house until she passed out.

Since I started with the cake decorating about a year ago, I have shamelessly stopped worrying about what sort of gift to buy people for their birthdays and instead have been making them cakes or cupcakes...usually asking for their favorite flavor. So far no complaints - heehee


The above is a classic scene between mama and Sam Kang... Basically my mom is now frustrated after telling my brother to do something to which he is non-responsive and then she turns away...leaving Sam sitting there, still unresponsive...heeeheeheehee

Redefining Betty

I know...I've been getting all philosophical and shit lately...but I can't help it. Having a baby has simultaneously changed everything and nothing.

Now that the day is inching closer, I am not sure if I am ready to go back to work. I find myself hugging Donut just a little bit longer every time I hold her. I'm not sure if I'll every really know if either decision is the right one for me...it will just be what we decide to do at that time.

I never thought it would be so confusing and frightening to be at this point in my life.

Surprised much?

The other day I took Donut out of the car and peeked into the carseat when we got inside the house...to my surprise and apparently hers, this is the look she gave me. So being the mommy that I am, I took a picture and just laughed at her for a few minutes.

100 days and counting

Has it really only been 100 days? It simultaneously seems like it has been forever and just yesterday that Donut arrived on the scene. Now 100 days have passed and I am getting ready to go back to work in a couple of weeks (ACK!). Major milestones have passed like her first smile, she sleeps through the night, I'm 6 pounds away from pre-baby weight and Forrest and I are surviving nicely and talking about more kids. I know we're crazy, but I think we just think they will all be as easy as Donut so why the hell not?

So much planning occured for the festivities...we booked Seoul Garden in Japantown for lunch on Saturday and had a coursed meal that included..
- Filled Pancakes (fish, meat, veggies)
- Dumplings
- Dumpling Soup
- Broiled Prawns
- Korean BBQ Chicken and Beef
- Stewed Sea Bass (spicy as shiz!!!)
- Jap Chae (stir fried yam noodles with meat and veggies)
- Red Bean Ice Cream

And of course it included the obligatory rice and pan chan to help it all go down :)

Below Donut is in her traditional Korean outfit called a hanbok to celebrate the 100 days... I lie. She wore it the day after for a photo op...the day of she was a mess and cried for the first half of her party then proceeded to sleep for the remainder of her party.

She looks like a little mafia don holding out her hand to say "pay some respect and kiss the ring."

In search of...

I've just recently noticed that I don't have any Korean friends except for Soo whom I met at church back in high school. And it's not that I'm trying to become this ethnocentric person but in light of having a child, I have been seeking out Korean things a bit more....my mom is having a blast making fun of me too because doing anything Korean was the last thing I wanted to do when I was growing up but I chalk it up to this.

Since my parents came here when I was 2, everything at home was SUPER Korean and growing up I just wanted to eat what all the other kids were eating like PB&J. And I didn't need Korean school because my parents never spoke English to us so home was my Korean school...

But when I look at Donut, I realize I need to find more people who share this cultural background otherwise she won't get enough of it from just me. I'm not Korean enough for her to grow up understanding the language, etc...she may get some but it would help if she had some more people around her that she could identify these customs with. Not that Korean will be a super useful language like Spanish or Chinese... but I wouldn't want the connection to our relatives in Korea to end with my parents and I because with Donut we had lost the ability to communicate at all. I dunno...there's something finally having a family that makes you seek out more family. Is that wierd?

For instance her Baek Il (100 days party)...it would be nice if she could also one day talk to other kids that had similar parties. Or they can just complain about their crazy korean moms together...hahahaha

In some ways this is nice for me too...it helps me learn more about all the things that are a part of my culture, whether my parents actively practiced those customs or not.

Pig Roast @ Carly's

Molly getting some quality Donut time.

Molly and Mike invited us to to their friends' monthly whole beast roasting bbq... So Carly and Charles are roommates and used to work with M+M in Napa. C+C now work in San Francisco at a different restaurant group but also live about 2 miles from us in the Inner Richmond. Going to a feast hosted by folks in the restaurant biz always means there will be loads of interesting things to eat and drink... and this did not disappoint...the pig was awesome.
The only part of the pig that was left... I tried a few different pig sections and they were all FABULICIOUS!!! We got the rundown and Charles said they had brined it for about 36 hours and then stuffed it with apples, sage and shallots before putting it on a spit to roast for a few hours.

Donut completely passed out in Molly's arms... like dead baby / sack of potatoes passed out. She went from hanging out to floppy passed out in a matter of minutes..it was kind of funny watching Molly trying to hold her while she was acting like a wet noodle.
Chester showed up after work on his bike.... his new leather seat and briefcasy looking thing, um, uh, makes me want to make fun of him...but uh I don't know where to start. Chester my friend, you have become that guy...that shit guy.

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I cannot believe I have been able to go to 2 whole movies since we've had a baby! Shoot I don't care if we watch infomercials as long as I can get out alone or with the hubbs for an hour or so. Don't get me wrong, I love Donut and being a mama.....but getting out of the house without having to lug around the copious amounts of baby gear and being able to sit in a quiet movie theater uninterrupted is pretty rad.

How was the actual movie you say?

Pretty good I say. Very entertaining as all the HP movies have been....and lots of teenage angst in this one - goodness these kids are getting quite mature these days. It had been a long time since I had read the book so I couldn't remember when certain critical scenes were supposed to happen... Chester can bag on me all he wants for my taste in movies, but I was thoroughly entertained for almost 3 hours for $10 so I can't complain.

Babies and Birthdays oh my!

Cake = 0, Annelise = 1.... that is one demolished pastry. The pictures of toddlers with their first cakes are always hilarious. Annelise was a bit more forceful than Leah was with hers. It's fun to watch the demolition of sugar by children. I LOVE the pic below...the little boy has a plate FULL of goldfish...it's as if he's got a complete balanced meal, they just all happen to be goldfish.


Saturday we headed down to the south bay to celebrate Annelise's first birthday! I swear, I don't know where the time has gone but MC and I were talking about how it literally seemed like the other day that we were bringing the new parents a meal....and here we are a year later! They grow up so fast that it makes me a little sad that when I look at Donut, I feel like I can't blink because I may miss something or she'll somehow turn into a 18 year old running out of the house to go to college. Uh - when did I become such a sap :)

Anyhoo - the birthday party was so super cute...with MC and all her party planning glory had put together a fish themed fiesta complete with many little fish shaped cakes. They were super cute and with our fussy baby...I was unable to get a slice :( Donut was fussy and just wouldn't go down for her nap. I think the excitment of the party, lots of people and the warmer than SF weather kept her up.

Afterwards, we headed over to hamoni's house and got to drop off the baby for about 5 hours while we went to watch a movie and a sushi dinner (at SUSHIMANIA!!!!!)

To work or not to work....

So we finally hired a nanny! Just as I am closing in on the last few weeks of maternity leave. I am so glad to be done interviewing nannies, the shit is just cuh-razy...WAY harder and more anxiety ridden that dating.

but the larger question lies...to work or not to work?

Interestingly enough I live mere steps away from a neighborhood where mommas don't work AND still have full time nannies and live in single family homes... I am still trying to unravel the mystery of how people are able to afford that given the cost of living in SF...but Hollis and I surmised it must be inherited $$ because who makes that kinda scratch when the homes in Pac / Presidio Heights are in the tens of millions of dollars?

So I have met a lot of working and stay at home mommies during my quest to meet new people but have yet to ask "how did you decide to do what you do?"

At this point, I am REALLY excited about going back to work. The prospect of spending 8-9 hours a day working on projects with a boss that doesn't cry or need to be fed every 3 hours sounds AMAZING. Going to grad a coffee or lunch whenever I want without having to spend 30 minutes loading the car sounds like a dream to me. I LOVE DONUT - but at this time I do miss my own Betty things...not just mommy stuff.

Who knows? I may go back to work and hate every minute of it.... at which point Forrest and I will have to sit down and see what is feasible. But I'll never know until I try it out... Right now I am dying to talk about anything else besides diapers and spit up...and software features, technology trends, industry analyst reports, sales bookings, revenue and budgets sound so interesting but we'll see.

And in facing this change in my life, I am so thankful for all the women before me who fought for the right to vote, go to work, were the first to go to college, burned bras, moved to remote farms, lived off the grid in yurts and god knows whatever else because they have paved the way for me to be able to choose exactly the path I want and that is the best for my family without judgment.

Yeah, I think it's pretty rad..

I won't bore you to death with endless pictures of the baby...for that you can go to the other family friendly website...BUT it's moments like the one captured above that really melt my heart. I love this parenthood thing, even though I know that she's going to hate me for a good two decades (roughly teens - late 20's or shit even early 30's) no matter what I do...I'll still love her just the same.