And by new end...I mean the end of my maternity leave.
Last week our nanny started part time for "transition" and I am going to be completely honest, it sucked. Our nanny is fabulous...and the kiddos love hanging with her - they are happy, full and rested at the end of the day but the separation is horrible... I never realized it would be so hard. It took me an hour just to leave the house and even when I finally did I was dripping in sweat on the verge of tears, just staring at the front door from my car.
What the hell is happening to me?!?!?!
The entire day I spent running errands, pumping in parking lots practically crying and staring at my watch wondering when it was almost 5pm so I could race home and squeeze my baby. Thankfully our nanny is wonderful and totally understands this phase so she doesn't mind so much if I lurk in the house. I have heard it gets easier and it was a little easier on Thursday but still, I cannot believe how much I miss my baby! I have the same crazy feeling when I have a girls night out or a girls trip for anything...I miss Forrest like crazy and all I can think about is going home to hang out with him. Now I can add Donut to that and I'll be lucky if I EVER leave the house again.
It's so bad that I start to miss Donut around 9pm...roughly 2 hours after I put her down for the night. Forrest just looks and me and smiles "she's only upstairs, you can go look at her if you want." to which I reply "I can't...because I'll pick her up and wake her up to hang out and no good will come of that right now..."
Maybe this will subside once I get my first paycheck (since I haven't been paid in awhile).... or maybe it will continue to suck every day until I decide one day to stay at home.... or maybe it will be different every day - ack - I almost can't believe how neurotic all of this sounds.
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