Yee-Haw! Welcome to Spring Texas

The oldest restaurant in Old Town Spring TX. I forget the name but it says "Cafe & Beer" on the window...it appears that you can get beer anywhere in Texas. Fun Fact: Spring Texas holds an annual crawfish festival in the spring....now some people feel that crawfish are mini-lobsters and others feel they are just large water cockroaches. I feel that it's just another crustacean to choose from. But apparently the locals call them "mudbugs" and now I don't find them as appetizing.

YES...good ol fashion ribs off a dirt road in Spring, TX. This is the stuff I live for...I love to eat local food when I'm traveling. The green beans were awesome too...cooked with chunks of ham....oh yes. Not a land for vegetarians my friend.

So this BBQ place was called "Horn's BBQ" and it had pictures of all the Texas Rangers on the wall and drawings of celebrities like John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe...and a little shrine to the Bush family. George Senior, Junior and Laura. Fascinating.

Houston, we have a problem

All things considered, I love the middle states of America. I am strangely attracted to the midwest...maybe it's the big cars, nice people, the food...the wide open range....uh...cowboys? Can't explain but I love it. Although I could never live there....especially Texas..and now, especially Houston, TX.

Things I love about Texas

• Barbeque - the food in general
  
• Nice People..they're so polite and they smile
  
• Southern Drawl
• BIG TRUCKS
  

Things I hate about Texas

• Humidity
• Hot
• Weather
• No beaches
• No mountains
  

Case in point, I have never seen so many pear shaped men in a single city...it is the fattest city in America. Additionally the city limits of Houston are rather large....the entire bay area might be like half of Houston. Wide but flat (kinda like me). But believe me, I'll be back (just not in the summer) for some BBQ, tex mex and cheap beer.

feast or famine

Forget terry shiavo's 12 day starvation...my gluttonous ass couldn't last 12 hours of fasting for a stupid choesterol test. now that...that's over, i'm back to stuffing my face on a regular basis to keep from starving or getting any skinnier...

they didn'tt even give me a snoopy band-aid after they drew blood...those bastards!

Gay Wednesday rears its ugly head, er sausage

I wonder if they sell this at the Safeway in the Castro....

Thowback Words

My brother made fun of me the other day for using the words "wherewithal" and "behooves" in a regular sentance. He not only laughed but basically called me a grandma for using such outdated words. But - take that Sam! I looked them up, and they are real words...hahahaha

wherewithal

n : the necessary means (especially financial means) adv : out of, or by means of which; "tools wherewith to scrape the windshield of my car" [syn: wherewith]

behoove

v : be appropriate or necessary; "IT behooves us to reflect on this matter" [syn: behove]

Oh...is that all?

This book is quite possibly the funniest book ever. The writers of this book were consultants on Sex and the City for some of the episodes....and it's hilarious! It really is funny how women obsess over what guys say and do or especially what they are not saying or not doing. It is oftentimes tiring to be a woman and to be ruled by such irrational emotions (good thing I am an android). LOL. For those ladies out there who have been worrying their little brains out over some dude that's not calling you back, really, just get over it and move on...there's a guy out there who wants to call you all the time :)

Some of my favorite excerpts...

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
• "Busy" is another word for "Asshole." "Asshole" is another word for the guy you're dating.
• You deserve a fucking phone call.
• If you're tempted to spend countless nights just cuddling with someon, buy a puppy.
• Bad boys are actually bad. (how many of us have fallen for that???)
• "Classy" doesn't "break into his answering machine"
• Have faith...what other choice is there
• Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve (AMEN!)
• Freaks should remain at the circus...not in your apartment
  

I'm practically peeing in my pants from laughing so hard. There are hints of truth to this and even though it's not all funny because many women have cried over stuff like this....in hindsight it's all a little humorous...to see how far you've come.

Electronically Challenged

Awhile back, Howard Stern announced that he will be moving to Sirius Satellite Radio at the end of his contract this year. That's all fine and dandy because I'm tired of having to listen to a show where 1/2 the content is pre-bleeped. I don't believe those yahoos that think Howard Stern is responsible for the retardation of society....I've been listening to him for roughly 18 years and look at me...I'm a productive, contributing member of society. I want my entertainment to be funny and mindless, since I have to think so much at work (which is more than 9 to 5) so excuse me if my brain needs a break. I find throwing McGriddles at wanna-be strippers funny...

But now I am confused...because I went to the Sirius website to look at their options and I don't really understand what components I am supposed to buy. Anyone know how this satellite radio shit works?

Crappy Monday

I feel like poo. I'm totally congested and feel like poo. Once again I feel like poo...nothing to say today except that. I need a tissue...arg

First Crush - Wine Bar & Restaruant

Went to dinner with Forrest at First Crush on Sunday night and I must say, it's a super cute place with good food, wine and atmosphere. The fun play on words makes it nice too...they had all these fun names for their flights of wine but I can't remember them right now .

Even better was the entertainment. The table next to us was a girl (probably college age) with her parents and she kept reading from this book called "Would you rather" and well, you can imagine all the different deviant, sexual and potentially uncomfortable scenarios that were being read. Her parents, much older and seemingly trying very hard to connect with their teenage daughter, obliged and would answer the questions and giggle along. Funny and painful to observe all at the same time.

Excerpt from their conversation (you be the judge):
"Would you rather A) watch a porno with your parents or B) watch a porno starring your parents?"

Union Street Easter Parade

Attacked by large furry animals on Union Street. Laura and I went to get manis and pedis then were cruising down Union Street during their Easter parade. Now I'm a total holiday dork and have ALWAYS wanted to take a picture with the easter bunny and Santa (like they have at the mall). Since these furry critters were available on the corner of Union and something...I asked if I could get a pic...meanwhile children are crying because I just cut in line and the cat-type creature is trying to molest me.

Cows on rollerskates and vintage fire trucks for rent.

TEAMKANG EASTER

You too can have a pair of super cheesy asians on easter! Only if you ask nicely....it's rather cute how well my brother and I clean up for church. I, however, am questioning the masculinithy of his "argyle" sweater...it's not even really argyle, it's like gay poser argyle.

Find your own damn eggs

Happy Easter. I love all holidays but this one is pretty cool because I love pastels and well, Easter is kind of a pastel holiday :) I miss the egg hunts and the baskets....sometimes I wish I were a kid again or that there were lots of baby cousins in the family so we can do that sort of thing. I may pick up a pack of Peeps after church.

WELCOM HOME ADELE

Rumor has it that my grand-sis Adele is now back home in SF. Previously she was living in a fabulous shoebox studio in the Upper West Side of Manhattan a block from Central Park. I've left a voicemail and few emails for her already...we'll see when she calls back...still love her though.

OMG - Best Site Ever!

I came across this little gem (Phat Phree) the other day by accident...my friend Ami forwarded me an email that containted a link to the "striped shirt" article. That was some funny shit. Anyone who has spent any considerable amount of time in the Marina has seen the "striped shirt" article in action.

The articles on the site are just too much! I think Chesternet would find the "NBA all-ugly team" one funny. I don't even really follow the NBA, but those dudes are FUGLY!

One of my personal favorites is..."50 Worst Times to Get Wood" I mean I wonder how many of those have actually happened to men out there? hahahaha. I could read this all day!

Saturday at the office

Hmmmm. It's almost 11 am on a Saturday and I'm sitting at the office (because I can barely work at home because my parents like to talk to me only when I've got something else to do). So today I went to get a facial (fabulous btw) and now I'm at work...fabu.

Sometimes I wish my office would blow up so I won't work...because I'm a workaholic.

TGI Sexism Friday

My coworker Marcus sent this little "guy rules" around in email today at the office instead of working. I would fire him, but he doesn't report to me....ahahahahaha. This was however, rather funny so I decided to pick my favorites to share.

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down! Finally, the guys' side of the story (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ....ON PURPOSE!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Surprise AIM

Today I got a little surprise AIM session from across the pond. Ralph (one of Trisha's friends) was given my AIM screenname (by an unnamed source who will soon be fired) so he would stop bothering her so she could "work"....uh-huh. Anyhoo, Ralph is a rather funny englishman....so I thought I'd share some snipets of the AIM chat.
BTW - the screennames have been changed for privacy...hahahaha

Ralph: Your employee Trisha is useless y'know..perhaps you should consider letting her go..
Betty: i'm thinking about it...all she does is email me jokes and shit all day
Ralph: perhaps a public, humiliating sacking would do the trick?

Ralph: trisha said you are ill.
Ralph: I am also ill.
Ralph: I wish you better from illness
Ralph: and as I am a wizard, you should be better tomorrow by 1015am

Ralph: oh, can I have a job?
Betty: yes.
Ralph: my job is dull, and san francisco is nicer than derby where I live.
Betty: as soon as i fire trisha
Ralph: wicked
Betty: but you have to come to work naked
Ralph: I can do that

Ralph: right bosslady, go fire that irish wannabe, and get better
Ralph: in fact, fire her by setting her on fire. bye!

heeheeheeheeheeheehee

milk definately does a body good..heeheehee...this ad just makes me giggle. i know the manning brothers may look like goobers to some but not to me :)

Where everybody knows your name

Last night Molly and I decided to do a little shopping at Mervyn's *gasp* I know. But they had a whole slew of tipped stretch poloshirts...so I had to get one because the poloshirt is totally my uniform :) Afterwards, we headed over to Vin Santo for a little wine and food...and to chat.


Get your game face on. This is Molly's drinking face when she's super excited about the wine she is about to drink. She made the same face when she tried my champagne too.

fucking beet salad with rouqefort sitting in a little butter lettuce cup with an herbed vinagrette. fucking awesome...once again...fucking awesome. they can beet me anytime.

Gnocchi....the gnocchi at Vin Santo is like the most divine interpretation of the homely spud on earth. Chef Greg is a mastermind and spud design wizrd. But strangely, Molly's order showed up with some cubed chicken? wtf - who wanted chicken? We later learned that it was actually someone else's order that she had accidentally received.

Keep Dreaming Boys - this will NEVER happen

Trisha sent me this in an email...it was too funny not to post about (once again she's fired for not working...j/k) So the buttons say things like; strip, spread legs, blowjob, swallow, diet and there's a volume control for the voice...i laughed because it's funny.

But what would remote control for men say? haha wouldn't you like to know.

Need some help with application?

best billboard ever. it's a sunblock ad from australia...
there's a similar styled billboard with semi-naked boys in sf....something to do with surfing or tanlines or nudity...maybe that was a sunblock ad too? hmmmm...i dunno and don't really care.

Practically a Nun Today

Today's weather posed a bit of a challenge for me in picking an outfit. It's warm but not really, it's sunny but not really, it's windy but not really. So I compromised by wearing a turtleneck to keep my neck warm (duh) but with short sleeves so my bulging biceps can be free (haha). Then I've got a skirt going on but it's so long and my boots so tall, it's as if I have no legs...hahaha.

I'm so covered up. I think there's about a 3 foot length gap between this skirt and my usual "going out" party skirts. hahaha..

My DVD drops on May 24th Bitches!

Countdown to chappelle! I pre-ordered this on Amazon...I can't wait. They better not delay the release (again) becaues I totally blew my wad early when the original release date was Feb 9th. I will travel with the DVDs so if you invite me over and provide me with food and booze, we can share the joy of Rick James, Lil John and the many faces of Dave Chappelle.

WHOAT?!

Fast Food Nation

I thought this was a fabu book although I don't like the socialism at the end...the last few pages was reminiscent of reading the Jungle. It talks about how the fast food industry has redefined much of the our nation's industries. The most fascinating one is how it describes the changes to the meat packing industry and what used to once be a highly paid and skilled union profession is now a dangerous and life threatening job that chews up and spits out illegal immigrants.

Is it true? You tell me, how else did a finger end up in the food?

Fleming-Ireland Household...new additions

Here are pics of the new furniture at the fleming-ireland compound. I got the joy of visiting my satelite spouse collective last night and well, molly and i got WAY to wasted. Never EVER drink champagne out of pint glasses...it's never a good idea.

But look at the beautiful new coffee table and entertainment hutch. These 2 new pieces match very well with their dark wood stained bar and contrasts nicely to their light wood floor. It was sooo super cute.

Fantastadonkadonk Chesternet

I can't believe I missed the live version of this. Look at how cute crazy chesternet is

Some Drunken Results

So some peeps decided to fill out that lovely "get to know your friends" survey I sent out yesterday...I thought I'd publish some of the select answers because I think they are funny...and this is my blog and I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Sam (my bro)
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I'm a criminal by Sam downloads music illegally
11. What kind of car do you drive? 2004 Nike Shox
19. Favorite time of the day? when i'm sitting eating looking at something funny while being massaged by a silver back gorilla smoking a cigar
22. Favorite sport to watch? Football and Rugby and naked miget jousting
35. Where do you work? on the corner of 1st and Market

Molly
11. What kind of car do you drive? N/A
32. Do you have any children? My mom
35. Where do you work? oooo no, I don't work

Trisha
24. Person you expect to send it back first? Betty
35. Where do you work? In Sunnyvale, CA for at an office resembling Animal House and I love it! Too bad for Mom!

I HAVE TO HAVE IT!

Leave it to Apple to come out with another super cute thing. They now have colored armbands for the iPOD minis. This would be soooo cute with my pink iPOD and my pink and silver running shoes. Sam said I was gay for wanting so much pink and Trisha thinks I am retarded but I say "Fuck em! I want Pink!" Of course I find out about the pink armband AFTER I bought the black one....it's sooo not color coordinating with my outfit. (yes, i really am this shallow)

Not so gay wednesday

More like hangover Wednesday...I’m currently trying to keep from throwing up at my desk. Based on the hangover rating system, I am living through a 4 star hangover…I would preferably die than go on with my day. Maybe drinking champagne out of pint glasses with Molly last night wasn’t the smartest idea….Also my #1 problem while drunk is the phone – I LOVE TO DRUNK DIAL. So, uh, my apologies to Forrest, Chester, Sam (the bro) and Ben.

Hangover rating system

One Star Hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover **
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover ***
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke...yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover ****
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. For the guys: You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies: It looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover *****
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the shit fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....

Happy 21st Birthday Ben!

It's Ben's 21st birthday. I can't believe he's only 21...GEEZ-US! For those who don't know, sometimes I refer to this guy as Army Ben, Jew Ben or Rugby Ben.

wasting time at work

Trisha emailed me one of those survey thingies that say "get to know your friends" so I filled it out...then I'm going to fire her for not working and doing bullshit like this...heehee, I hope she doesn't see that my blogger window is open.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30am - I'm catching up on some sleep
2. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Keka at the Asian Film Festival in SF
3. What are your favorite TV shows? Still on air or no? Current: Haven't seen a TV show in awhile...Real World, Food 911 (Tyler Florence is HOT), Good Eats, Smallville, Gilfmore Girls. No longer on air: Sex and the City, Playmakers, X-Files
4. What did you have for breakfast? FULL bagel, cream cheese, tomato and ham with coffee.
5. What is your middle name? Sexy Bitch..hahaha...just kidding I don't have one
6. What is your favorite food? All of it! Sushi, Jake's Pizza, Mediterranean, Mexican...Anything that was alive at one point in time...and sea dwelling food stuffs like fish, oysters, clams, caviar, uh...uh...
7. What foods do you dislike? not much..don't like chocolate or ice cream.
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Sour Cream and Cheddar...I love my dairy
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I'm super diggin my iPOD playlists right now
10. What kind of car do you drive? Superpimp G Ride. 2000 Dodge Dakota Quad Cab bitches
11. Favorite sandwich? I don't like sandwiches...but if I had to pick...a fried egg sandwich on wonder bread with a little mayo
12. What characteristic do you despise? Ugly, fat people...hahaha...really, they tend to be mean
13. Favorite item of clothing? my nike workout clothes and my cozy uggs
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Anywhere where I can have sand between my toes or snow in my hair.
15. What color is your bathroom? ...actually I don't have my own bathroom..
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Gap, J Crew, Nike. I like plain clothes and anything with a collar...I'm way toooo preppy
17. Where would you retire to? a little hut on the beach next to my surfboard (on the outskirts of a golf resort, heehee) i got needs man...
18. Favorite time of the day? all day....especially dawn because the day is just beginning and full of possibilities
19. What was your most memorable birthday? shoot homie...all of them. It's a fucking national holiday
20. Where were you born? Seoul, Korea (the motherland bitches)
21. Favorite sport to watch? Football or Rugby...for obvious reasons. I am also starting to like boxing...nothing like 2 men beating the shit out of each other
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? chesternet - he no longer has time for frivolous minutia like this survey
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Molly (trish was right - I filled this out first thing)
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Whatever my parents have, or Woolite Dark
25. Coke or Pepsi? Diet
26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? both...so i never get any sleep. i usually get up butt as early bc i'm crazy but i love to stay out late
27. What is your shoe size? 7.5
28. Do you have any pets? yes, sam
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? no. i'd have to kill you if i told you
30. What did you want to be when you were little? smart or something....hahaha..just kidding. i think i wanted to be a baby factory..then i decided i didn't want to get fat
31. Do you have any children? not that i know of..
32. What's your favorite holiday? my birthday..actually i am a holiday freak..i love all of them
33. What's your favorite day of the week? All of them
34. Where do you work? cMango (otherwise known as my ball and chain - I practically live here...good thing we can drink at work)

Damn Target and $29.99 DVDs

Because now I just bought two boxes of DVDs for $29.99 each...arg. Well at least they were on sale and now I can watch something else at home at night instead of Sex and the City (I swear my parents must think I watch porn).

I'm super stoked about Arrested Development, I've watched a few episodes before and it's funny but I can never seem to find it on TV....why? you ask? Because my parents are TV nazis that's why. Family Guy is another funny show....I'm totally diggin on these cartoons for adults (not porn and not anime porn)..you know where they actually have funny and entertaing things to say.

uh, oh...food coma...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Buffet Disaster

I'm so full - I may vomit...I really dislike any sort of "all you can eat" buffets but Fresh Choice always sounds kinda good to me for some reason. I think it's all the salad that's available. I do love a good salad bar. But in the ways of the Hungry Hungy Hippo, I ate practically everything at Fresh Choice...including pasta *gasp* and ice cream *double gasp*

My stomach hurts now....but I can guarantee I'll be hungry by 2:30 pm.

Betty Van Winkle

Holy crap! I dunno about you all but I've been sleeping like a mofo these days. Like usually I'm a 6 hour a night type of person. For about a month there I was only getting like 2-3 hours a night. NOW all I can do is sleep! JEEZUS - these 8-10 hours of sleep a night! Plus I'm dreaming like crazy!!!! WOH - whole lotta brain activity happenin in my noggin.

Last Post for Monday

Who wants to buy in for Scott Peterson? I got Arnie in for $5...
This is a continuation from the slew of jokes I got in a mass email the other day. Now back to work.

Powerpoint Mania

Really...
I just spent all day in Powerpoint and now I can only communicate in bullets. LOL.

• I am retarded causing operational inefficiency
• My joints hurt so I am no longer effective
• The BOSE headphones provide maximum silence during my day

HAHAHAHAHA...now onto my next conquest...Illustrator!

Snap, Crackle, Pop

I feel like a 105 year old arthritic mess today. EVERY JOINT HURTS...in a deep tissue/bone pain. If I wasn't so damned vain and/or shallow about my appearance, I would stop running this instance! OUCH.

Super New Sushimania

it's not the same with the new shiny menu...
I met up with Trisha for dinner at Sushimania after a LONG and PAINFULLY EXCRUCIATING 45 minute run at the gym. The run consisted of a lot of swearing and yelling towards for the last 10 minutes, but at least it's been accomplished.

I haven't been there in awhile - and sneaky Hidei went and had new menus printed up...complete with pictures! *GASP* what use am I now to the new friends I bring to Sushimania to eat the hypnotic sushi??? I am useless in my descriptive skills....now they have pictures to reference.

nothing like a cold beer to end my Sushimania carnage....it was strangely too carbonated though...I think the glass may have been frozen

Rain Rain Go Away....come again next winter

My god...really? I know it's not spring yet but last time I checked I didn't live in the Pacific Northwest. I'm starting to get the SAD and may need to buy a sunlamp to cheer me up. What do I have to do to get a sunny day at the beach around here? Isn't this California?!?!?! ARG.

No Sun = No Fun Betty
Lotsa Rain = No Surf Betty (rain makes all the sewage drains dump into the ocean so the poo factor if high for a few days - therefore unsafe to surf)
No Sun = Very Pale Betty...ewwwww....I'm starting to run out of bronzer

See you at the tanning salon.

A moment of silence please

FUCK! I just lost some of the best pictures ever! All this F-ing technology is sometimes totally useless if it's going to fail on you. ESPECIALLY when my stupid memory card only dumped the funniest pictures that I've taken in a long time but kept all the boring ones from the Benicrapa dinner. I couls throw this piece of shit out the window....My goodness I am sounding more truck drivery than usual...but I'm PISSED!

Viognier Part Deux

OMG - Saturday night we all (Me, Forrest, Chester and Molly) went to Viognier again to visit Mr. Super Fox (otherwise known as Mike Ireland). This time we all had the 9 course tasting menu..it was fabulous. Two sets of hetero life mates on a double date for some yummy food and wine. I would write more about it, but Chester already has.

It was a pretty good Food-Gasm (almost as good as the Frog Wash)

Digitally Retarded

I'm freaking out..the memory card in my camera keeps getting an error and I think it's not saving or deleting pictures! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Chester - I'm sure you can feel my pain :(

Especially when I haven't been able to download the newest pics from last night yet....my brother and his roomates got "ghetto-ed out" and took a bunch of cheesy rapper type pics waving around a whole lotta cash. Now THOSE are some blackmail pictures, I can't wait until he gets a girlfriend so I can publically humiliate him

Benihana?

More like Benicrapa. I've been to the place twice and it still sucks (overpriced and shitty food). Although I'd pay that much again just to see:

1. Francis (secretly metro army man) wearing a pink shirt
2. My brother ordering the gayest drink possible (his penis became more and more inverted as he sipped his pink beverage, complete with pineapple and cherry - what a vagina)
3. Dobel drinking unfiltered sake (that strangely resembled male goo) out of a very petite cordial glass
4. Me fall flat on my ass after taking a picture of the food because I was so drunk I didn't know that my chair had fallen over...hahaha
5. Jew Ben eating raw fish
   

Sam with the gayest beverage ever. I think his testicals shrank with every sip of this beverage. Yes folks, it's a pink mixed drink in a curvy glass with a pineapple slice AND a cherry. Come to think of it, his jeans were kinda tight that night too...OMG what's happening to my bro?

heeheehee...what does that look like to you? That's the "dainty glass of man goo" looking beverage, otherwise known as unfiltered sake in a cordial glass.

Playa Hater's Ball Reference

Comment from Ben: "Nice shirt...who shot the couch?"

Calgon Take Me Away

This looks better than what it looks like outside now...why can't I get a nice sunset these days?

Dirty Joke of the day

I got a slew of these from a group email the other day - just had to share - more to come :)

Just in time for you next paper cut.

Maggots were just approved by the FDA as being "approved medical devices." I don't know how I feel about that, I do know that I'm getting a little nauseous just looking at this picture. The idea of those little fuckers squirming around eating dead flesh in any wound on my body makes mw wanna hurl. I'd rather be pumped full of morphine...heeheehee.

But the article is interesting...because studies have shown that many medicines actually inhibit the body from healing. I know people who went through childbirth naturally (read it: no drugs) and the mother and child recovered faster..hmmm? who knew?

Excerpt from Article:
So far, most patients have been enthusiastic -- once they are reassured that the sterilized greenfly larvae will not start burrowing into healthy flesh.

How do they REALLY know? With my luck, I'm going to get the batch of maggots that decide "hey this chick Betty's leg tastes pretty good, let's burrow and eat her alive." I think I'm gonna throw up.

Fuel Inefficiency

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY TRUCK! Celebrity is fabulous...and beautiful. I just got her some lovin at the car wash but now it's raining...bummer. What I'd really like to complain about is how much it hurt my pocketbook to fill her up yesterday. $50 for a tank of gas that will probably last me a week. YOWZA! If prices don't come down....I may have to *GASP* buy a different car.

Better Than Tempura

fuck that tempura shit...I want these instead.

Absolutely Insane

Only the japanese would be this crazy...or bored. i can't believe that molly found these. What purpose do these serve??? Do you want to trick your co-worker into eating USB shiu mai? Or how funny am I at work with my tempura USB storage thingy sticking out of my computer.

I am strangely hungry though...sushimania sounds good...I wonder why?

Super Fox Sommelier

How super cute does Mr. Mike Ireland look in his suit and his official "Certified Wine Professional" pin. He's famous now too (in the news and everything)! Not only did Mike pass his sommelier test, he is also a member of the charter graduating class of sommeliers from the CIA Greystone campus. FABU

WTF Chesternet?

OK - I don't know what the fuck is going on here...but chesternet is down. Not in a "Internal Server Error" or "Page Cannot Display" kind of way - but in the way that if I type in the URL, nothing happens. I get sent to oblivion....there is just a blank webpage.

It's like the fucking twilight zone.
What's going on here?
Chester is not back from a business trip until late Friday night...so who knows if he even cares about this black hole of nothingness that his site has become. ARG

Hungry Hungry Hippo

These days I'm training to run Bay to Breakers...basically this means I'm funning like a crazy person on the treadmill and all over town. Well the thing is, running is a very efficient way to burn calories...so I'm shrinking (good thing) but I'm hungry ALL THE TIME (bad thing). I already love to eat but I don't know if I can take that much time out of my day to feed myself that freqently. But the picture above is a good description of what it looks like these days when I'm eating :)

FEED ME

This is an old picture (from last summer - Chester and I are at McDonald's) ..but I'm so hungry these days I could eat anything and everything!

I'm totally wearing green

So unfortunately you can't pinch me....although I still might let you.

Happy St Patrick's Day. For those who did not wear green, be warned that my pinchers are all ready for you and looking to cause some pain. Thi isn't the best picture but if you look closely, you will notice that some of the martinis have olives....my little tribute to green for St Patty's.

p.s. these pants used to be tighter, but all the running has slimmed down my thunder thighs

Flattery will get you....everywhere

A little something to get your day going on the right note :)
click me for a little lovin

Asian Film Festival - Keka

Tuesday night Forrest and I wend to see Keka at the AMC Kabuki. This movie was featured as part of the Asian Film Festival that happens in San Francisco annually. I've been trying to go to this festival for years but never made it...dunno why, but never felt that compelled to be 'one with my people' that much. I'm asian - that's all I need...hahahah

Back to the movie - it was great! I was thoroughly impressed...
It was a dark comedy about a girl (Keka) whose boyfriend is killed by a rival fraternity. She mopes around for something like 5 years and then decides to get revenge and kill the 5 bastards that killed her BF. She goes and starts killing these guys and totally gets off on it...but in a strange comical way. For instance, after she kills retard #1, she calls her friend and says "woo-hoo! who's the man, I am!" to which her friend calmly says "hey idiot, maybe you should leave the crime scene". Then Keka shrugs, says "oh yeah, you're probably right" and then kinda trots off. During her killing spree she meets Jason (guy she's kissing in the picture) who's a cop and they totally fall in love - small caveat - he doesn't know that she's a serial killer and she doesn't know that he's investigating the crimes she's committed. The ending is great.....

Bosses: Every star needs a supporting actor

Trish found this funny article on MSN today (instead of working - she's so fired...hahahaha) I did find it entertaining though..especially when she said that as her boss, I am a #8. bwha ha ha...prepare for world domination!

I'm bummed (but not too bummed) I'm not a #2, although we do have a little Star Wars thing going with the group here where I am Yoda, Greg is Obi Wan and Jason is the young paduan, Skywalker. I convinced her that I could possibly be a bit of a #5 and #10 (especially when I'm stuck babysitting a bunch of drunks)

1. Andrew Shepherd, "The American President."Friendly, popular but can sometimes make things difficult.
2. Obi-Wan Kenobi, "Star Wars."Wise, loyal and always there for guidance.
3. Bill Lumbergh, "Office Space."Evil boss who loves tormenting employees and making them work weekends.
4. Coach Norman Dale, "Hoosiers."Uses brash, unconventional tactics to motivate to success.
5. Franklin Hart, "9 to 5.""Sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot."
6. Katherine Parker, "Working Girl."Back-stabbing boss who steals your ideas and passes them off as her own.
7. Bernie Lomax, "Weekend at Bernie's."A crook who's out to get rid of you.
8. Dr. Evil, "Austin Powers"Has two obsessions: himself and total world domination.
9. Cruella De Vil, "101 Dalmatians"Rich, powerful and so mean she'd kill puppies.
10. Gordon Gekko, "Wall Street"Unfriendly workaholic who expects the same from you.

What about you?

A funny thing happened at Target today....

I killed some time at Target this morning before my hair appointment and I saw the funniest thing. So above is a picture of one of those blood pressure test thingys...similar to what they had at Target by my parent's house. So I love taking my BP in those things, but today there was a granny sitting in it...only she was slumped over...and not moving. I TOTALLY FREAKED OUT!

All I could do was stare. I thought that she was dead....so I just stood there and stared....then I slowly started walking towards her. I felt the need to confirm whether she was really dead or not before I started freaking out to all the Target employees. THANKFULLY the machine beeped and she snorted and woke up.

Crisis averted.

Every 8 weeks...

So this is my super cute new haircut. I spent the morning cruizing around town, running errands until my hair appt which was at 9:30 (coincidentally the earliest appt that Barbara will take)....but you'all know that I never sleep and get up super early so I had about 3 hours to kill before my appt. So now my lovely truck "Celebrity" is so fresh and so clean.

Anyone in dire need ot a super cute new haircut...go check out Barbara at Palare in Los Gatos...the woman's (she's really only 21) a genius (well at least with my unruly hair).

15555 Union Ave
Los Gatos, CA 95032-3904
Phone: (408) 377-8080

BTW - I'm slowly getting blonder everytime I go in there :)

Bikini Wax with Some Parkinsons

People are fucking crazy. I'm all for the potential medical benefits of stem cells and research so we can better understand what's doing with all those cells...but these people are nuts. I read an article on MSN about Stem Cell Parlors in Russia...they give injections at beauty salons to also do things like remove cellulite and stuff...hmmmm

Next time I go in for a wax, I'm going to see if they can shoot me up with stem cells to grow some boobs :)

They already have tattoo makeup, botox and now stem cells at beauty parlors...next thing you know, you'll be able to order interchangeable limbs with your haircut. Great for those amputees who want different legs for the warm vs. cold seasons.

What's More Gay Part 2

excerpt from my conversation in the car ride home yesterday with Trisha...

What's more lesbo?
1. Munching someone else's box
2. Some chick munching yours

Another round for the cute girls

i'm closing my eyes...because i know this shot is going to hurt. i think this is actually our third or fourth tequila shot of the evening.

beginning of the end...

It's always the tequila that gets you...having left Hennessey's Tavern to go to Crazy Horse (dance club, not a strip club...much to my dissapointment)...Trisha and I started in on the shots of tequila.

Japanese Stoner Wrap

So dinner on Saturday night was at Gen Kai in Dana Point. This is Trisha's back home sushi place...and it's AWESOME! I wish I took some pictures of the food...but I was too busy eating it to pay attention to anything else. I feel a little guilty for cheating on Hidei and Sushimania (my hometown sushi joint) but at work we have the battle of the sushi joints - so this is purely for research.

Notice the name of the plastic wrap...who knew? It is not only clear and can keep your food fresh, it'll get you high.